My Hallowiki

Happy Halloween, internet! As you all should know this is one of my favorite holidays ever. What other day can you drink, party, eat obnoxious amounts of candy, all while dressing up. But throughout all the good times I fear we have forgotten why we do these activities today. I feel it is my responsibility to bring us all back to the roots of this great day.

Halloween is a day of great importance. Every year on October 31st we celebrate the life and birthday of Eve Hallows, the founder of the worlds oldest profession, prostitution. Based out of a bordello in what is now Europe, she single handedly started the tradition of selling pleasure. Being the most successful woman in her business at the time, she had many callers, and all with different tastes. To ensure business, she would ofter dress up with different persona's in fear of losing customers. On one fateful day, Eve was brutally murdered by a woman whose husband was caught with her in only a home-made futuristic cowboy costume. The townsfolk, realizing that Eve was only doing her job, came together and mourned the loss of their great pioneer.

Every year since then people around the world honored her in several ways. Men would dress up in their favorite costumes and women would try to dress up as the prostitute herself. Since there are no recorded pictures of Eve, women would dress differently from one another in hopes to attract the different types of costume-ed men. The people would come out at night and drink in Eve's honor and have contests to see who was honoring her the best by wearing to best outfit.

As the years passed and the socially acceptable age of marriage and reproduction lengthened, the younger people were starting to be left out. In order to preserve the memorial, younglings would dress up and go door to door asking for a pittance in the form of sweets. This was to ensure the proper observance of the holiday while still preserving the innocence of youth. As people got older there was no longer a need for the attraction of the opposite sex nor sweets. The elderly now pay tribute to Eve by handing out small denominations of pennies wrapped in tissue to give the children in hopes they remember Eve's noble entrepreneurship.

So as this year's Halloween comes around and I hit the bars as tradition states, I encourage all the guys to put on their best costumes, and girls to be the sluttiest they can so that we may pay homage to Eve Hallows, the worlds greatest working woman.